Day 70: Worst Official Letter of the Year

Dialogue

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1. 1
   A

   Colegas, dos finalistas y un premio: el oficio más farragoso del año. ¿Algo que declarar?

   Colleagues, two finalists and one prize: the most convoluted official letter of the year. Anything to declare?

   Line 1
2. 2
   B

   Solo que esas fórmulas tienen siglos de tradición jurídica, y la precisión no es pedantería.

   Only that those formulas have centuries of legal tradition behind them, and precision is not pedantry.

   Line 2
3. 3
   C

   Y yo vengo dividido: llevo veinticinco años escribiendo “me permito hacer de su conocimiento”, como buen leguleyo.

   And I come to this divided: I've been writing “I take the liberty of bringing to your attention” for twenty-five years, like a true pettifogger.

   Line 3
4. 4
   D

   Empecemos por ahí. Organismo de agua: “En atención a su similar, me permito hacer de su conocimiento que no ha lugar a lo solicitado”.

   Let's start there, then. A water utility: “In reply to yours, I take the liberty of bringing to your attention that the request is not admissible.”

   Line 4
5. 5
   B

   Impecable: “su similar” es el escrito anterior, y “no ha lugar” dice exactamente que no.

   Impeccable: “yours” means the previous letter, and “not admissible” says no, precisely.

   Line 5
6. 6
   D

   Dice que no, licenciada, pero no dice por qué. La señora pedía una pipa, y es aquí donde el ciudadano se pierde.

   It says no, but it doesn't say why. The lady was asking for a water truck, and this is where the citizen gets lost.

   Line 6
7. 7
   C

   Me duele, pero Cinthia tiene razón: “no ha lugar” a una señora sin agua es cerrarle la ventanilla con buenos modales.

   It pains me, but Cinthia's right: “not admissible” to a woman with no water is shutting the window in her face with good manners.

   Line 7
8. 8
   D

   La segunda es de pensiones: “Se le requiere para que acredite su supervivencia; de lo contrario, se le tendrá por fallecido”.

   The second is about a pension: “You are hereby required to prove you are alive; failing which, you shall be deemed deceased.”

   Line 8
9. 9
   B

   Ahí me rindo: dar por muerto a un señor de noventa y dos años es humor negro con sello oficial.

   There I give up: declaring a ninety-two-year-old man dead is black humor with an official stamp.

   Line 9
10. 10
    C

    Pero esa sí se entendió: fue el señor quien llegó al otro día, con su INE, a demostrar que seguía vivo.

    But that one was understood: it was the gentleman himself who showed up the next day, with his ID card, to prove he was still alive.

    Line 10
11. 11
    A

    Queda probado: la única frase oficial que todos entendemos es la que nos da por muertos. Gana la del agua; notifíquesele por oficio.

    So it is proven: the only official sentence we all understand is the one that declares us dead. The water one wins; let it be notified by official letter.

    Line 11